Lifeline Quarterly – Fall 2020
More Than Just a Handout: Helping Dads and Families Find Peace in a Pandemic
Fathers across the world are struggling right now. So many are facing uncertainty due to layoffs and job loss thanks to Covid. As the leader of the household, men feel the burden of responsibility. They worry that somehow it is their fault and fear failing the family as a provider. It makes them not want to face another day, let alone their wife and children.
One father says: “We are struggling! I feel guilt, stress, and frustration, and everyone is looking at me to fix things.” The topic of health and finance seems to be never ending for both men and women alike. However, the bulk of the stress seems to fall on dads as the head of their household — feeling like their hands are tied and there is nowhere to turn for help. Other fathers have said:
“Thriving feels out of reach at this point, surviving is enough for now.”
“No one wants a handout. I have my pride, but my family is suffering.”
What is a handout? HANDOUT: to give freely to a needy person. Proverbs 28:27 tells us: “Those who give to the poor will lack nothing, but those who close their eyes to them receive many curses.” However, when you feel low it is hard to accept a handout even when it is temporary. At Pathways Clinic we are here to inspire, educate, equip, and motivate — to assist and help, not simply give.
HANDUP: the act of assisting another person to help them climb onto something or move to a higher place or standing position. To pull up and support his weight.
One male client at the Pathways Clinic recently said:
“When I first came to Pathways, life was stressful. We were having a hard time making ends meet and everything just seemed negative. The volunteers here have really helped to find the positive again. Taking classes through the fatherhood program has helped me be a better father by understanding my son’s needs. I have learned that it is ok to ask for help. There aren’t many places where men can find help to be a better parent and get resources when their family is in need. Everyone has been so friendly and helpful. There has never been any judgement. They just see a man doing his best to take care of his family. I can’t thank them enough for that.”
— Pathways Client
From Our Director: Small Changes = Big Rewards
By Kimberli Swenson, Executive Director
My friends, we are in unprecedented times. I have moments that I stand in heartbroken disbelief to see what is happening in our community, our state, and our country. To be honest, I have quit watching the news, and most TV for that matter, except for a couple of beloved shows. I have turned to listening to audio books instead. It is amazing how much more productive you can be once you pull yourself away from the constant barrage of negativity. I have even been able to complete a few projects that were sidelined for lack of time. This does not mean that I don’t keep up with the important news and events, but it does mean that I don’t immerse myself in it anymore.
This small change has had a profound effect on my state of mind in a very short time. Choosing to listen to something inspirational instead of something meant to cause fear has focused me right back to the simple fact that God has a plan, and His plan is perfect. He knows exactly what is going on right now and exactly how it is going to end, and every bit of His plan is for our good.
After seeing the change in how I felt after this one small change, I started applying it to other areas where I was experiencing fear, anxiety, and even anger over situations that were far beyond my control — things like how to turn a 300-person banquet fundraiser into a successful online event, how to handle the newfound hostility my husband faces as a police officer, and desperately missing my church family and the blessing I receive from helping to lead them in worship on Sunday mornings. These are only a few examples of my personal struggles. I know that so many more are facing depression and fear due to lost jobs and wages, inability to pay bills and feed their families, and the very real fear of all of the unknowns relating to this virus.
Now, with the newest stay-home mandates, we are all facing holidays sequestered in our homes, away from our loved ones. I know these fears. I know they are real. I know how exhaustingly hard it is to let go of our human nature that tells us we must fix it and do it NOW!
This last Saturday, after Oregon’s Governor announced their state’s newest mandates for the holidays, I found myself in our local big box store. As soon as I walked in the door, you could feel the tension in the air. It was almost electric. Everyone was making a beeline for the back-left corner of the store toward the paper products. The shelves were already bare. I found myself looking at my list, those little bubbles of anxiety starting to simmer in the pit of my stomach. I immediately began to wonder, “Do we have everything we need at home? What if I don’t get to see my family? We have never spent a holiday apart!!” I stood there like that for what seemed forever, but just as quickly as the fear crept in, I clearly heard His voice telling me quietly at first, “I did not create you for fear,” and then louder and louder until I was saying it out loud with Him. It nearly brought me to tears and it certainly brought me to my senses. I simply got the rest of the items on my list and headed home.
What I want to convey to your heart is that we don’t have to let the fear and anxiety take over. We all have the ability to close our eyes and focus on Him. It doesn’t matter what the situation is. You can make that one small change that will change you and could very well change those around you. You can decide to not respond to a social media post out of anger. You can decide to not shame someone for wearing or not wearing a mask. You can decide to react in a positive way.
A great example I saw just today: a friend witnessed a man filling two carts full of supplies in a grocery store. He asked the man politely, “Do you wear your mask to help others?” The man responded, “Well, yes. Of course.” My friend then said, “Don’t you think only buying what you need would also help others?” With a sad smile, the man replied, “Yes. I think you are right.” That small change. That simple shift in mindset and reaction to a situation. These are the things that will make all the difference in how you survive these situations, and how you can have an impact on those around you.
My latest decision toward personal peace? I decided to use my voice on social media and stage my own “positive protest” — posting the lyrics and music videos to the worship songs that speak to my soul and the time we are living in, inviting everyone who sees the posts to join my “protest” by singing out loud with me no matter where they are, so we can spread His hope and this profound joy that He is still in control and is working.
A Client Shares
“Thank you for your donations because without them I would not have had the chance to be a mother and be such a positive person. My pregnancy was hard. I wasn’t supposed to have kids after having cancer 4 times. The people here are very supportive and gave me the strength to try again. They changed our lives.”
— Lisa, Pathways Client
Meet the Newest Pathways Family Members
Carmen Scott, Operations Assistant — Carmen is a PNW girl who loves the Lord and loves to serve His people. She has worked in youth ministry for nearly 20 years and currently mentors young adults. She loves to share funny stories about her family life and wants everyone to laugh as if they were there. She is married with 3 grown children, 3 growing grandchildren, and one wiener dog named Penny Lane. She is so thankful to be joining the team here at Pathways Clinic and is looking forward to years of serving the Washougal/Camas communities.
Selena Jacobs, Financial Assistant — Selena moved from Vancouver to Washougal 30 years ago. She has been married to the love of her life for 25 years and has two amazing children, one married and one still in high school. She has enjoyed working in finance for 17 years and feels truly blessed to be part of the Pathways family.
Upcoming Events
- Pathways closed for Thanksgiving & Christmas
- Sanctity of Human Life Sunday — January 17
📄 Download the original Lifeline Quarterly Fall 2020 newsletter (PDF)